A Journey Alone - Part One

It was a dreary Sunday in St. Louis.  

To be totally honest, I do not have any clue what the outside weather was like.  I did run home mid-morning to get my husband some pajama pants, but I really wasn’t paying any attention to the weather. When I returned to Mercy Hospital, the curtain was pulled on my husband’s room.  As I peeked in, my husband was sitting in a chair and Dr. Allen Soffer, his cardiologist, was standing next to him.  I walked in and no one said anything for a few minutes. Finally, my husband said, ‘Dr. Soffer was telling me that there is no further treatment that he can provide for me.’  As we processed that, my husband asked, ‘How much longer do you think I have?’  Dr. Soffer replied, ‘Three months, maybe six.’ Then Dr. Soffer went on to to say that there is a program that he could possibly get us into at Washington University.  He was communicating with his colleagues at Wash U to check availability.

We sat at Mercy the rest of the day.  We kept the drapes drawn on the room, told friends and family we did not want guests, and...we watched television. Once in a while, my husband would say things like, ‘I really wanted to see the kids graduate from college.’  We decided not to tell anyone.  We wanted to see what Washington University had available.  We needed a plan first that we could both wrap our brains around.

As I left Mercy that day, I called a very dear friend of mine who was battling his own serious health challenge. (He would completely understand what I was going through.) Despite our decision not to tell anyone until we had a plan, I told my friend.  He said, ‘Oh, Richard will be fine.  You just need to get to Wash U.’  Here is the really weird thing, I believed my friend.  A peace came over me and I thought...okay, we just need to get to Wash U.

Days passed and we were waiting for any word from Dr. Soffer as to the likelihood of being evaluated for this program at Washington University. Finally the good word came. Dr. Soffer said he was working with doctors at Washington University to have Richard transferred to 'Big Barnes' for consideration for an LVAD (Left Ventricular Assist Device).

Inside and Outside World Collide...

On Monday morning, November 24th, 2014, I arrived at Mercy Hospital.  I walked past a St. Louis County policeman.  He turned and said, ‘Are you Terri McEachern?’  I replied yes.  He said, ‘I know how sick your husband is.  There are a lot of people in both hospitals working on getting him transferred safely to Barnes today.  When he leaves here, you need to go home and stay there until tomorrow.  Do not go to Barnes today under any circumstances.’  

I still do not know who the police officer was, how he knew who I was, or why I needed to go home. I was not watching the news at all. Having a loved one hanging on for every breath is truly isolating. To me, there was no outside world - until the outside world collided with the inside world.  

As the day unfolded, it became extremely clear that St. Louis truly was on edge. This was the day that St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Robert McCulloch would announce the grand jury decision on the Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson trial related to the death of Michael Brown.  County and City police were encouraging people to go home and stay there.

I knew this transfer was the start of an uncharted, truly scary, journey. After 25 years together sharing everything, on this biggest moment in our lives, my husband would be by himself. A transport team and ambulance arrived to take my husband to Barnes. I kissed him goodbye. He went to Barnes alone. I went home alone.

December, 2014